Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
