Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
