I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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