who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
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Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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