Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
