Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
