So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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