what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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