I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
