How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
