well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
