Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU