Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?