Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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