the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
