you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize