i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
