Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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