his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
