i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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