Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
