I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
