In the future we'll all be gay
he shaved USA in his pubs
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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