you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
