Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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