There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
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