Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
