He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
