my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
