Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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