I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
