how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
