Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
