Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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