I am in a vortex of obligation.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
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