He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
