So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
