Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
