i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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