while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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