I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
