I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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