Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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