Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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