Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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