I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
