I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
