paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ttyl tear gas
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
