I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize