My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
