did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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