you would pick up someone in the library
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
