So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
