The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
