the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
