I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
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I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
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Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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