dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
