I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
