ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
