Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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