Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
