So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize