david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The power of my boobs compel you
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
