Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
