This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
