This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
