Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
