the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
